Feeling Alone/ Losing A Close Loved One

It’s Sad To Say That Some People Don’t Believe Depression Is Real. They Think It’s Made up Or Some Kind Of Game. I Wish It Wasn’t Real Than I Wouldn’t Be Struggling With Depression Everyday. I Just Wanna Run Away And Never Look Like Back. I Know I Can’t Run From My Depression Just My Environment. They Don’t Care Nor Understand What I’m Dealing With And It’s Sad To Say It Be Your Family. Those Are The Ones You Would Think Would Be There. But I Don’t Have That. So, Now that My Cousin Is Dead And Gone I Have No One But Myself. I Really Hate That She Left Me Here All Alone. Nowadays Friends Aren’t Friends They Not Loyal. I Rather Chill By Myself. Always Have Actually It’s The Ones I’ve Been Knowing. I’m Not Sure If Losing My Cousin Have Me Even More Depressed Feeling Like My Medication Isn’t Working Anymore Or What. I Don’t Let My Son See Me Sad But It’s Hard. I Know I Can Beat This Depression And Not Let It Take Over Me. Well, I’m Trying My Hardest Not Too. These Different Emotions Omg. Than, When Someone Say “You Gotta Let That Go” Really Like Depression Can Be Let Go Like As If It’s Something You DON’T Like You Can Get Rid Of It Like That. Or If You Tired Of Being Depressed You Can Just Walk Away From It. This Isn’t Something You Can Just Deal With On Your Own. Especially If It Worsens!! You Have To Seek Help. This Is Why I Rather Just Be By Myself Cause Some People Just Don’t And Won’t Understand At All. I’m Really Thinking about Writing A Book On Depression In My Eyes And My Experience With It Everyday. Even Though There Will still Be Some That Just Won’t Get It. Sometimes, Well Most Times I Just Sit In The Dark And Just Lay Down Or Just Sit Outside Because Where I Live Is Stress By Itself. All I Can Do Is Keep Praying That My Situation Get Better. I Hide All This From My Son. I Never Want Him To See Me Sad, Crying, Confused, Happy, Than Sad. I Smile And pretend I’m Okay When He’s Around. But When He’s Gone I’m All Alone With Nobody To Talk Too. As A Mother I Have To Keep Pushing And Don’t Fold. Every Night( As Well As During The Day) I fight These Emotions, These Feelings I Can’t Shake Forever And It Gets Aggravating. Most Of The Time I Try To Do Something To Not Even Think About It. One Minute I Can Be So So Happy Than morning I So So Sad. When Your Own Family Can’t Notice You Don’t Even Like To Do What You Once Loved Or See The Difference In My Eating Or Just Me Being Sad Sometimes Moody, Just Sitting In The Dark Can Have A Room Full Of People And I’m Just Sad And Sitting To Myself And They Just Think…. “Oh You Gotta Let That Go You Have A Son.” Like Really??! I Can’t Stand That Omg!! That’s Why I Just Do What I Have To Do For My Son And I. And Don’t Talk Nobody To Nobody. The Main One I Trust Is gone She Died. The One That Understood Me. The One That Was Good To Me. The One I Could Call On In The Middle Of The Night. The One I Could Call On When I’m Not Feeling Right. The One That Would Tell Me Cuz It’s Gonna Be Alright Cause We Gonna When This Fight. The One That Made Me Smile Knowing I Was Feeling Down. And It’ll Be The Other Way Around. I Will Miss You But I Know I Will Get Through. I Know I will See You Again So Until Than… Keep Resting In Peace.

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