Depression is really a drag. Everyone that has ever had it or experienced it, believe me, they have experienced it very differently. And believe me, we all know it’s a hassle. It’s a nightmare you can’t seem to wake up from.
At sometimes, however, I wonder if people who don’t have it understand ––like really really understand— Just how painful, and how overwhelmingly it is.
Example, while there’s some people that’s commonly using the word to describe or to express short feelings of sadness and disappointment, but depression is actually a chronic physical illness with symptoms mostly invisible.
Even though we have came along way as for treating it. But we don’t know what causes it or why some Medications work and why some don’t. Those questions still unanswered. Even if you have enough control over your depression, it can affect everything in your life. Making it a complete hell.
People who don’t understand depression or who has never experienced it may think it’s not that bad or it’s not that serious.
Depression can make your loved ones and friends not want to be around you. It’s a irritating disease to live with because being frustrated or sleepless or sad or numb for a period of time, can be tiring or very exhausting.
Especially, when you can’t prove to anyone that you are really really sick. It’s condition is biologically driven, brought on by an interplay between genetics hormonal and neurochemical signaling mechanisms in the brain and body.
It’s so hard for the public to understand that depression isn’t due to moral guilt, failure, weakness, or lack of will power at all.
Ok, so back to my 5 things to do and 5 things (not to do) to support someone with depression.
1.) Do not tell them grow up.
Telling someone with depression to “grow up” is definitely harmful to say. Saying that, is one of the cruelest, insensitive, and terrible things you could say to someone who struggle with depression. Depression can hit anyone. You aren’t free from it at any age. This comment is showing lack of empathy and also immediately rejecting the person with depression feelings. The unexpressed symptoms of depression are very serious matters. Saying “grow up” is definitely not the resolution. Sometimes being grown up, full of overwhelming responsibilities, is sometimes, most times what triggers the depression.
2.) Do not judge do not criticize.
Sometimes what you say can have a powerful impact on someone with depression (maybe your loved one. Avoid telling them statements like: I think it’s just all in your head. If you got up out that bed and moved around, you would see things better. These words indicate “that your loved one has a choice in how they feel–and has chosen just to be depressed. People with depression are very insensitive but can cause your loved one to isolate even more.
3.) Evade the tough-love method.
Many people think that being tough on their love one will magically undo their love one depression or encourage positive behavior changes. For example, some folks may on purpose be agitated with their love one, push their limits use silence, be cold-hearted or even given an ultimatum. ( “you better snap out of or I’m going to leave you”) But Consider this as really pointless, very hurtful, and unfavorable as ignoring, pushing away or not even helping someone who has cancer or lupus.
4.) Do not minimize their pain.
Declaration such as “you’re so insensitive” or “Why do you let everything bother you?” Humiliation a person or loved one with depression. It undermines what they’re experiencing and it completely explications over the fact they are struggling with a complicated disorder… not a weakness, or a personality defect.
5.) Don’t offer advice.
It’s normal well natural to want to share advice with a friend/love one. When someone we love is really going through it like really having a tough time, we desire to fix their despair/unhappiness. While it may be true that the person that is depressed needs guidance, actually saying that will make them feel offended or even more insufficient and disconnect further. Instead, ask “What can we do to help you feel better?” This will give your love a chance to ask for help. When a person asks for help they’re more willing to take to be guided and take direction without feeling offended. (I know this from experience.) Depression isn’t like a vacuum, you can’t just suck things up!
Ok, so there’s the 5 things not to do to support someone with depression. Every person is different and may handle the beast of depression differently but, down below, I have 5 things to do to support someone with depression.
Made by me Jackie C.
1.) Educate yourself on Depression and any other mood disorder.
Even though you can’t make your love one/friend feel better and you can’t cure them, you can inform/instruct yourself about depression or any other mood disorder or the kind of mood disorder he/she has. Educating yourself on depression or your loved one’s illness will really help you to understand it better, and feel more in control of the situation. It’ll also give you a lot of patience to handle the confusing or frustrating symptoms.
2.) Help them point out and confront with the sources of stress.
Stress is a well known contributor to depression. I’ve also read online that a study on rats organized by researchers at universities in Aarhus and Aalborg, Denmark, stress was displayed to reduce the brain’s instinctive power to keep itself healthy. Stress also interrupts healthy managing strategies, which constitutes your love one/friend more susceptible to mood swings. You are to help your loved one identify sources of stress in his/her life and brainstorm on ways to reduce it.
3.) Remind them that they are extremely strong.
When you are depressed, you don’t feel like you’re good of love. That itself makes relationships and communication so hard. One way of approaching them to recovery is reminding them of their strength. Use physical examples. Refer to times in their lives they exemplified courage, compassion, integrity, and endurance. Use photos if you have any. Remind them of accomplishments in the past or success that will boost their mood.
4.) Express your willingness to help.
Show your loved one that you actually do care and attend family therapy sessions. Show them that you are willing to help by setting up appointments. Tell them that they are not alone in this. Talk to your loved one tell them about what you have noticed about them and why you are concerned. If your loved one is resistant to a support group, try to encourage them that there’s no shame in getting help or asking for help.
5.) Stay Connected.
Check on your loved one often. You can ask them how they’re doing or invite them over for dinner. Even offer to help them with house chores or everyday chores. The important part to this is, show up, listen, and show them you actually do care.
Depression can come at any time in our lives. Depression doesn’t discriminate, it can happen to you, you, you, and you! But there is help out there and you are not alone. You are strong, don’t worry about those negative comments, don’t entertain them. It can happen to them. Medications, natural cures, psychotherapy, and replacement life changes can help lessen the strain. Don’t be ashamed get help. It helps I suffer with depression and trying to deal with it alone, thinking it’ll go away on it’s own is so wrong! If you are suffering from this disorder, your mental and physical health are invaluable/critical, and you don’t need people protruding how you should be feeling, when you, obviously need love and support. Talking to someone, going to a mental health clinic, taking your medications on time and everyday, surrounding yourself in positive places, you will make it.