It’s Been Awhile… But I’m Still Alive

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Hello everyone!! I know it’s been awhile, but I had to take care of me. It got to a point to where I lost so much weight, and I’m already a petite woman. My weight has been going up and down for some time now. My normal weight would be 114 and I had gone down to as low as 90 pounds. Oh my God right?! I’m not perfect at all, and i am also still working on me, and I’m doing so much better now. I am now at 104 pounds, and i plan to keep it this way. Sometimes I get so stressed and depressed to where I won’t eat, it’s not purposely, but if you deal with major depression, or any other mental illness you’ll understand. My doctors are so caring, it could be after business hours and she/or he would call me just to make sure i’m okay, or just to let me know that someone actually cares. They would call just to make sure I ate something that day, even if it’s eating on crackers, or a sandwich, but making sure I drink plenty fluids, especially water. I have great doctors!! They’ll call amd check up on me, motivate me, while also helping me. 

While doing all that, they also reminded me that my son Jayden needs his mother, also he needs his mother to be strong! He needs his mother to be healthy! I can’t be strong or healthy not eating or drinking anything. Like I said, it’s not purposely, but after 2/14/2019 I made a commitment to myself, no matter how depressed or stressed I may get I will make myself eat and drink something, I can’t and won’t keep doing this to myself. 

I decided that my health is way more important. Major depressive disorder and anxiety isn’t easy at all, or any other mental illness, and being around negative people, isn’t healthy. I stay in a house with 6 adults and 5 kids and I only have 1 child, there’s no peace, no quiet, no privacy, and last but not least, no understanding. My mental illness is crazy to them.

To them, my depression isn’t serious!! I can just snap out of it to them. Which we all know, it doesn’t work like that! We all wish that it would and could though right??! Depression is real! Depression can also be very severe. My depression so serious to where my doctor’s are trying to sign me up for disability. But to my family it’s not.

“You have no reason to be depressed,” or “I’ve had depression but it went right away.” This is what I hear all the time. Oh yeah and, “You choose to be this way.” Really?! Who would choose to be sad everyday? Who would choose to have a fight everyday with their mind? Who would choose to have all those different emotions and feelings everyday? Who would choose to just wake up in despair everyday? Who would choose not to eat on purpose?

Being around all that would really take a toll on you. Lately I’ve been in good spirit, and I’m not letting no one get to me anymore. I have to do better for my son and I, and that I am doing. I got a call for a 2 bedroom apartment, and I thank God for it. That’ll be a great start for my son and I, and also a peace of mind.

I’m not complaining but staying in a crowded house, plus having a mental illness, hearing nothing but negativity, no understanding about your mental illness, no peace and quiet, and people saying “you’re crazy” or you chose to be that way,” is stressful. Also, it’s not good for your health or your mental health.

This is why I understand those who struggle alone, and have no one to lean on. Some people are just careless, and ignorant. They sound just the way they talk… Ignorant.

But you are not alone, and I’m one good example. There’s plenty other people struggling but won’t come out with it because of the negativity and ignorance people say. Mainly family members.

Getting help and knowing you need help is just showing how strong you are, and that you care enough to get help and knowing what people say doesn’t matter!!

P.s sorry everyone for the long long absence to all my followers… I’m doing great, I’m much better than ever and eating everyday, and taking my medicine everyday how I am supposed too. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜ I hope each and everyone of you have a great and blessed day/week.

5 thoughts on “It’s Been Awhile… But I’m Still Alive

    1. Yes it is…. it’s very painful. I’m being very brave. I’m not letting it get that bad anymore. Actually it’s a first with me losing so much weight. But im gaining it back and won’t look back. Thanks so much Sara.

      Liked by 1 person

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