It’s Been Awhile… But I’m Still Alive

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Hello everyone!! I know it’s been awhile, but I had to take care of me. It got to a point to where I lost so much weight, and I’m already a petite woman. My weight has been going up and down for some time now. My normal weight would be 114 and I had gone down to as low as 90 pounds. Oh my God right?! I’m not perfect at all, and i am also still working on me, and I’m doing so much better now. I am now at 104 pounds, and i plan to keep it this way. Sometimes I get so stressed and depressed to where I won’t eat, it’s not purposely, but if you deal with major depression, or any other mental illness you’ll understand. My doctors are so caring, it could be after business hours and she/or he would call me just to make sure i’m okay, or just to let me know that someone actually cares. They would call just to make sure I ate something that day, even if it’s eating on crackers, or a sandwich, but making sure I drink plenty fluids, especially water. I have great doctors!! They’ll call amd check up on me, motivate me, while also helping me. 

While doing all that, they also reminded me that my son Jayden needs his mother, also he needs his mother to be strong! He needs his mother to be healthy! I can’t be strong or healthy not eating or drinking anything. Like I said, it’s not purposely, but after 2/14/2019 I made a commitment to myself, no matter how depressed or stressed I may get I will make myself eat and drink something, I can’t and won’t keep doing this to myself. 

I decided that my health is way more important. Major depressive disorder and anxiety isn’t easy at all, or any other mental illness, and being around negative people, isn’t healthy. I stay in a house with 6 adults and 5 kids and I only have 1 child, there’s no peace, no quiet, no privacy, and last but not least, no understanding. My mental illness is crazy to them.

To them, my depression isn’t serious!! I can just snap out of it to them. Which we all know, it doesn’t work like that! We all wish that it would and could though right??! Depression is real! Depression can also be very severe. My depression so serious to where my doctor’s are trying to sign me up for disability. But to my family it’s not.

“You have no reason to be depressed,” or “I’ve had depression but it went right away.” This is what I hear all the time. Oh yeah and, “You choose to be this way.” Really?! Who would choose to be sad everyday? Who would choose to have a fight everyday with their mind? Who would choose to have all those different emotions and feelings everyday? Who would choose to just wake up in despair everyday? Who would choose not to eat on purpose?

Being around all that would really take a toll on you. Lately I’ve been in good spirit, and I’m not letting no one get to me anymore. I have to do better for my son and I, and that I am doing. I got a call for a 2 bedroom apartment, and I thank God for it. That’ll be a great start for my son and I, and also a peace of mind.

I’m not complaining but staying in a crowded house, plus having a mental illness, hearing nothing but negativity, no understanding about your mental illness, no peace and quiet, and people saying “you’re crazy” or you chose to be that way,” is stressful. Also, it’s not good for your health or your mental health.

This is why I understand those who struggle alone, and have no one to lean on. Some people are just careless, and ignorant. They sound just the way they talk… Ignorant.

But you are not alone, and I’m one good example. There’s plenty other people struggling but won’t come out with it because of the negativity and ignorance people say. Mainly family members.

Getting help and knowing you need help is just showing how strong you are, and that you care enough to get help and knowing what people say doesn’t matter!!

P.s sorry everyone for the long long absence to all my followers… I’m doing great, I’m much better than ever and eating everyday, and taking my medicine everyday how I am supposed too. 🥰🥰😘😘 I hope each and everyone of you have a great and blessed day/week.

A Poem About Mental Illnesses And The Stigma That Comes With It By Me

jackies.life/2019/03/09/a-poem-about-the-stigma-of-mental-illness/

A Poem About Mental Illnesses And The Stigma That Comes With It By Me

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Cancer no problem.

Diabetes no problem.

Heart Disease no problem.

Broken bones and arms no problem.

Plenty here are deranged.

Plenty here are bipolar.

There’s plenty here that walks around so sad and feeling so hopeless.

Not knowing whether they’re coming or going.

But they won’t seek help because the stigma of mental health steady growing.

Growing from people who have no knowledge about it. 

Growing from people who haven’t even experienced it.

Growing from people who just don’t believe in it.

 Stop judging and take time to learn about mental illnesses.

Telling someone with cancer to ‘just get over it’ would be so inappropriate.

Why would someone want to feel like this on purpose?

Feeling helpless and worthless everyday.

Never looking forward to the next day.

Everyday is a fight with your mind.

Plenty thoughts in your head just floating around inside.

Others feeling like you’re just fine and doesn’t pay you no mind.

Feeling so empty inside.

Everyday of the week and every hour that goes by.

Mental illnesses is not all in the mind.

Mental illnesses can happen to you or anybody at any time.

It doesn’t matter the age because mental illnesses doesn’t discriminate.

All the negative about mental illnesses you all just need to quit it.

Some people just don’t get it or understand the pain and the guilt that comes with it.

Day by day your mind overthinks and you can’t help it.

You try to manage but your mind isn’t having it.

Sometimes you feel like you’re going insane.

Why would anyone sit and plan this kind of thing?

Why would anyone want to feel like this everyday in shame?

Never feeling the same feeling nothing but shame because of the negative things people are saying.

Everyday is hard everyday is a scare.

Everyday feels like you’re living a nightmare.

Surrounded by people who don’t care and people who believes that you’re okay.

Not understanding that you’re not okay and that you’re in pain just about everyday.

Aches and pains all the time making it hard to get up and move around.

Feeling nothing but despair inside.

Feeling nothing but guilt, pain, and emotions.

Feels like you’re riding on a rollercoaster.

Stop The Stigma If You’ve Never Been There.

 

 

Expressive Jackie

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The stigma about mental illnesses is truly sad and rude. If you ask me, it’s actually very cruel. Those who struggle with a mental illness or more is still human. Calling someone ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ isn’t cool at all. Having a mental illness is hard as it is, and for people to down talk someone with a mental illness, having no type of experience of it, is just ignorance. Period! 

 

This poem is about mental illnesses, feelings, and the stigma that comes with it. It’s no game, and i really wish people would understand. Mental illnesses are real, and can even be severe. You are not alone, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t the first and definetly won’t be the last, go get help because your mental health matters! This too shall pass. 

Keep The Faith And Pray, And Know That One DAY This Will Pass!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

x

Simper

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Everyday is full…

Full of highs and lows

Full of tears and sorrows

Full of frowns and no hope for tomorrow

 I’m on this journey alone,

Hoping and praying that this pain,

this depression will release from me

I’m tired of pretending

Tired of hiding the feelings and emotions i feel within me

But through everything i still continue to smile

Smiling to hide the emotions, feelings, and guilt that

I feel inside

Pushing all the lies aside

To enjoy myself and to have a good time

It helps to make life worth while

I lost my daddy at a young age

I hated i had to say my daddy was dead

So many thoughts ran through my head

And til this day

I needed you to stay

I didn’t expect to be this way

Tell my baby girl mama said hey

I’ll never forget that day

The day she went away

But inside momma

She’s going to stay

But like i said through everything i still smile

Even if it’s for a second or 1 min

A month or maybe even a year

But a smile can make sadness disappear

I’m making progress

I have dreams of becoming a actress

Life is like a book

Because every day is a new look 

A new page

A new day

To do what you have to do.

I refuse to wake up in despair

I refuse to feed myself into distress

continuously look for a better way

Until then, i’ll stay focus and keep pushing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Depression?

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At times we all feel sad, moody, low, or irritated from time to time, there’s some people experience these feelings extremely, for long periods of time (weeks, months, and even years) sometimes without any clear reason. Depression is more than a low mood, it’s actually a really serious condition that affects your mental and physical health.

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a widespread and a really serious mental illness that negatively have an impact on how you feel, the way you act, and even the way you think. Thankfully, it’s treatable.

Depression causes feelings of sadness, loss interest in things you once loved. Depression can cause a range of emotions and physical problems. Depression can also reduce your ability to operate at work as well as at home.

Depression symptoms can change from moderate to severe and can consist of :

Having a depressed mood or just feeling sad

Loss of interest/pleasure in things you once enjoyed

Weight loss or gain– changes in appetite Unassociated to diet

Sleeping too much or trouble sleeping

Reduction of energy or intensified fatigue.

Slowed movements in speech or handwriting. (pacing) increase in purposeless physical activities

Feeling guilty or worthless problem thinking, concentrating, or even making decisions

Thoughts of death or suicide

What causes depression?

No one knows exactly what causes depression, there’s many of things that’s connected to it’s growth. Depression usually results from a mixture of current events and other personal elements, rather than one immediate issue or event.

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Down below, I broke down the feelings, thoughts, and physical/bodily symptoms of depression…..

Feelings of depression:

Guilty

Frustrated

Overwhelmed

Irritated

Unhappy

Disappointed

Miserable

Sad

Low confidence

Indeterminate

Thoughts of depression:

It’s all my fault

I’m so worthless

I’m such a failure

They’ll be better off without me

Good things never happen for me

Why am I here

My life sucks

I’m so stupid

I’m so dumb

I hate life

Physical symptoms of depression:

Tired all the time

Sleeping problems

Agitated stomach

Headaches as well as muscle pain

Change/loss of appetite

Unusual weight loss or gain

Are you/or think someone you know may be experiencing depression? Do you feel sad constantly? Do you feel worthless? Do you feel nothing but guilt? Do you constantly feel like a failure? Don’t enjoy things you once loved to do? Do you get agitated a lot and always moody? Do you feel like you can’t control those intense emotions/feelings? Do you feel ashamed of all those thoughts and feelings?

Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed, and don’t wait to get help. There is help and you are not alone. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Join the club. I myself, suffer with depression and having it is not easy at all. Depression does not go away on it’s own, but there’s medications that help. I’m actually seeing improvement with my medications. I take Zoloft 150mg every morning along with a few others. Please talk to your health physician and be honest about how you are feeling/or how you have been feeling. From there you two can decide which medications are right for you.

Ok you Guys, that is my definition of depression. What do you think?

Please feel free to leave comments. Also, feel free to like and share. I really wanna think all of my followers for all the likes and comments, and views. I really didn’t think I would even get this many followers that I do have. Thank you to each and every one of you! I love to write, which is why I started my blog. I also suffer with major depression and anxiety, I know the symptoms and the signs of both. I’ve also had experiences, and I know that depression/anxiety is really real, it’s a really serious mental illness. Depression, sometimes go undiagnosed because some don’t confront it, or because friends/family members don’t recognize the symptoms. Some might even be hesitant to go get the help they need. That’s why family members should be looking out(for you) or whoever, for signs and symptoms of depression. You should also know the signs if you don’t, that’s why I’m here. Like I was saying, I really didn’t think no one would follower me or even read my blog. You guys proved me so wrong! I started it to write poems and also to talk about mental health, mental illnesses, life, life with depression and so on. I used to be ashamed but now I’m taking a stand!! Talking about it actually helps, and talking about my experiences along my journey with depression might help someone else.