It’s Been Awhile… But I’m Still Alive

It’s Been Awhile… But I’m Still Alive
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Hello everyone!! I know it’s been awhile, but I had to take care of me. It got to a point to where I lost so much weight, and I’m already a petite woman. My weight has been going up and down for some time now. My normal weight would be 114 and I had gone down to as low as 90 pounds. Oh my God right?! I’m not perfect at all, and i am also still working on me, and I’m doing so much better now. I am now at 104 pounds, and i plan to keep it this way. Sometimes I get so stressed and depressed to where I won’t eat, it’s not purposely, but if you deal with major depression, or any other mental illness you’ll understand. My doctors are so caring, it could be after business hours and she/or he would call me just to make sure i’m okay, or just to let me know that someone actually cares. They would call just to make sure I ate something that day, even if it’s eating on crackers, or a sandwich, but making sure I drink plenty fluids, especially water. I have great doctors!! They’ll call amd check up on me, motivate me, while also helping me. 

While doing all that, they also reminded me that my son Jayden needs his mother, also he needs his mother to be strong! He needs his mother to be healthy! I can’t be strong or healthy not eating or drinking anything. Like I said, it’s not purposely, but after 2/14/2019 I made a commitment to myself, no matter how depressed or stressed I may get I will make myself eat and drink something, I can’t and won’t keep doing this to myself. 

I decided that my health is way more important. Major depressive disorder and anxiety isn’t easy at all, or any other mental illness, and being around negative people, isn’t healthy. I stay in a house with 6 adults and 5 kids and I only have 1 child, there’s no peace, no quiet, no privacy, and last but not least, no understanding. My mental illness is crazy to them.

To them, my depression isn’t serious!! I can just snap out of it to them. Which we all know, it doesn’t work like that! We all wish that it would and could though right??! Depression is real! Depression can also be very severe. My depression so serious to where my doctor’s are trying to sign me up for disability. But to my family it’s not.

“You have no reason to be depressed,” or “I’ve had depression but it went right away.” This is what I hear all the time. Oh yeah and, “You choose to be this way.” Really?! Who would choose to be sad everyday? Who would choose to have a fight everyday with their mind? Who would choose to have all those different emotions and feelings everyday? Who would choose to just wake up in despair everyday? Who would choose not to eat on purpose?

Being around all that would really take a toll on you. Lately I’ve been in good spirit, and I’m not letting no one get to me anymore. I have to do better for my son and I, and that I am doing. I got a call for a 2 bedroom apartment, and I thank God for it. That’ll be a great start for my son and I, and also a peace of mind.

I’m not complaining but staying in a crowded house, plus having a mental illness, hearing nothing but negativity, no understanding about your mental illness, no peace and quiet, and people saying “you’re crazy” or you chose to be that way,” is stressful. Also, it’s not good for your health or your mental health.

This is why I understand those who struggle alone, and have no one to lean on. Some people are just careless, and ignorant. They sound just the way they talk… Ignorant.

But you are not alone, and I’m one good example. There’s plenty other people struggling but won’t come out with it because of the negativity and ignorance people say. Mainly family members.

Getting help and knowing you need help is just showing how strong you are, and that you care enough to get help and knowing what people say doesn’t matter!!

P.s sorry everyone for the long long absence to all my followers… I’m doing great, I’m much better than ever and eating everyday, and taking my medicine everyday how I am supposed too. 🥰🥰😘😘 I hope each and everyone of you have a great and blessed day/week.

Everyday Battles Of Depression Poem By Me Expressive Jackie

Everyday Battles Of Depression Poem By Me Expressive Jackie

Everyday Battles Of Depression Poem By Me Expressive Jackie

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Everyday Battles Of Depression Poem By Me Expressive Jackie

Everyday is a battle.

It is the most darkest place one could face alone,

A journey filled with struggles solo, all alone.

Everyday filled with many groans,

Everyday is a new battle,

Against the same competitor.

Yet the enemy exchanges blows back with irrational roars.

It sneaks up on you in your most helpless shape,

Mostly when there’s no around who can communicate.

The thoughts in your brain begins to expand and distend,

Which drags you into your private repressed nightmare.

Fabrications and organism from your past

Served as pain, that you can’t withstand.

Lastly sleep always comes as a greeting friend,

Knowing the next morning the continual battle begins yes, yet again.

Never Ends!!

This poem is about the daily struggle with self image, feeling like you’re not good enough for yourself or nobody else. It’s a daily battle of trying to feel accepted, and also, the struggle of learning to love yourself.

In order to love someone else, you have to first start by loving yourself.

Everyday, there is a battle to face. But don’t give up, life is to short, put a smile on your face, and take control over those battles you face, everyday.

Do you like my poem you just read? Feel free to like, comment, and share. Let’s stop the stigma of mental illnesses that’s flying around in the air. If you care, share!!

Good morning to all of my followers, and readers. Thanks for taking time out of your day to read what i have to say. I hope and i pray, that today, each and everyone of you, has a blessed day.

Trapped In Depression Poem By Me, Expressive Jackie

Trapped In Depression Poem By Me, Expressive Jackie

Trapped In Depression Poem By Me, Expressive Jackie

https://jackies.life/2019/02/03/trapped-in-depression-poem-by-me-expressive-jackie/
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#depression #depressionisreal #dontgiveup #nevergiveup #alwayspray #pray #poem #poems #depressionpoem #lostpoems #life #realityofdepression #keepfighting

10 Things No One Tells You About Dealing With Depression

10 Things No One Tells You About Dealing With Depression

Depression is so much more than just sadness. It’s so much more than feeling blue. But, since depression is hardly ever talked about, people don’t realize that their struggle is way more than real.

Everybody experience being depressed, it’s a normal part of life. Good and bad things happen in life, it’s apart of the a human experience. Life still happens on life’s terms. There’s weddings, divorces, getting fired from your job, deaths, babies, and so much more. In our lifetime, we’re going to have both good times and bad times. Yet, if those feelings of depression last longer than 2 weeks, than this is more likely depression- the mood disorder.

1.) You’re Going To Feel Judged.

Mainly because some people don’t believe in depression. They treat it like it’s not real, or like it’s not a disease that can be severe. But it is, and i hate the fact that most people don’t understand it’s really real. You judging someone with depression is like you’re judging someone with cancer. Don’t let their misinformation and lack of education shame you into not getting help. Trust me, not everyone is misinformed.

2.) It Hurts Physically.

Muscle aches, joint pain and even stabbing feelings in your chest can all be symptoms of depression. Also, it can mean that it’s time to go see a dr, for more than a physical checkup.

3.) At Times, You’ll Think You Are Going Crazy.

Depression is a mood shifting mental disorder; including panic attacks uncontrollable thoughts and habits, social phobia, and many of other issues. Do remember, that you are not crazy. You’re sick and you can/will get better.

4.) Everything Literally Gets On Your Nerves.

Everything gets on your nerves.

Others getting on your nerves, you’re getting on your nerves. This post might be getting on your nerves. Being irritated and aggravated is apart of depression. Yes, it’s a stressor!

5.) Everyday Chores Feel Devastating/Overwhelming.

Everyday duties feels devastating/overwhelming.

Something as simple as making a ham and cheese sandwich feels like to much for a meal, now you’re all worked up about it and now you’re crying.

6.) You Don’t Know (can’t tell) If It’s The Depression Talking.

You don’t know If it’s your thoughts, or your depression thoughts. It can be very confusing, telling the difference between the chemical trickery thoughts, or if it’s the way things really is, is actually really really hard! Especially, without help. But truly and honestly, once you’ve overcome the dissimilarity, you’re very much on your way to feeling better.

7.) You Are Going To Feel Numb.

Many people connect depression or sadness with the illness, but honestly, sometimes, depression is feeling nothing at all. If you’re feeling exhausted or shut off emotionally that could be a warning sign, that it’s time to talk to your someone, or a doctor.

8.) Your Mirror Will Become Your Enemy.

(Haha) A little humor from this gif, to make one you (or all of you) laugh or smile. I hope i did.

Depression and low self esteem goes together well. You start to hate the way you look. You hate to even look in the mirror. When depression makes you feel horrible about the way you look, it’s just better or feels better to look the other way.

9.) Most Of Your Friends Will Disappear, Just To Make That Very Clear.

In certain situations, you will see who’s real and who’s fake.

Wanna know who’s your real, your true friends are? Hard times, tough times, and struggle itself, lets you know who’s real and who’s fake. Who’s there and who’s a snake. Who’s got your back or who’ll stab it. Be glad that, and think about this specific struggle as one of your best blessings that lets you cut off the fake people. Real life situations will expose, who’s your true friends and who’s your fake friends.

If you’re short on rent or your mortgage, or if your child need pampers, and you call around asking your friends will, that will expose who’s real and who’s fake.

10.) Depression Is Very Very Boring.

Depression is a constant state of boredom. Life is not meant to be one dimensional, but struggling with depression can mean a never ending of boredom, that you can only relieve for the time being. Then it’s back to being boring still. Boringsville. It’s back to sitting down, just looking around.

Think You Might Be Struggling with depression or any other mental illness? There is help, and you are not alone. So don’t feel alone.

Things about depression no one wants to talk about, please feel free to leave any comments that you might have, or if you like what you’ve read than like it or share it please. Thank you all so much for your comments and your likes. That let’s me know someone is reading my post, and if I help just one person I’m very grateful.